PASSAGE: Date, Mate, Consummate | Lesson 07
Where’s God?: Making God and his presence a priority in courtship and marriage.
June 22, 2014 | Ruby Kwan
The relationship between a husband and wife is the single most important HUMAN relationship you will have. The marriage relationship between a man and a woman is a picture of the relationship between Christ and the church, often referred to as the Bride. (Eph. 5:22-33). Yet, do we seek God’s presence in our relationship? How do we strive for God’s presence in our relationship?
Seek HOLINESS rather than happiness
A marriage relationship is meant to move us towards holiness rather than happiness (Eph. 5:26-27; I Peter 1:15). This will happen in the backdrop of your circumstances.
The Reality...
Sinners marry sinners. There is no such thing as the fairy tale and “happily ever after.” Life becomes routine. You become accountable to your spouse. Being “one” with your spouse includes both the pluses and minuses (i.e., mood, emotions, temperament, poops & farts, etc.). Jesus never promised a “charmed life.” (John 16:33; James 1:2-4). Difficult circumstances will arise. No Exceptions! But, marriage does not have to be hard. How does this happen?
Follow the Biblical Guidelines for Relationships
Marriage is a relationship. You learn to get along with this person you are married to, and it shapes you to learn to get along with those outside of your marriage. Scripture has much to say about how we are to relate with one another. Examples:
- Exercise love (patience, kindness, etc.) I Cor. 13:1-7
- Live by God’s Holy Spirit
- Exhibit Godly virtues (aka fruit of the Spirit) Gal. 5:22
- Exercise self-control against the vices (aka deeds of the flesh)
- Bear one another’s burden (Gal. 6:2; Eccl. 4:9-12)
- Seek God’s wisdom (James 1:5-8)
- When you fight, restore peace. (James 4:1-3; Rom. 8:5; Eph. 4:25-26; James 1:19-21)
Scripture calls us to encourage one another (I Thess. 5:11; Heb. 3:13). How does this happen with a couple? Allow your boyfriend/girlfriend/spouse the freedom to pursue the things of God at his/her own pace. This is the Holy Spirit’s job, not ours (I Cor. 3:6-7). Caution: (1) Be careful of over-committing to church work at the sacrifice of your relationship. Your marriage is God-ordained and takes precedence over church service. (2) Don’t be a “teacher” or “preacher” to your spouse.
Spiritual Leadership
God designed the man to be the spiritual leader in a marriage relationship (Eph. 5:23). Women WANT spiritual leadership from their men. When the husband is spiritually weak, it puts the burden on the woman to nurture their children’s spiritual growth. The best advice I ever heard came from one of our pastor’s wives: Your man will not be good at everything, and he will not be the way YOU want him to be. Seek your husband’s strength in spiritual leadership.
Formulas?
Are there formulas for cultivating a Christ-centered relationship? Couples devotionals, couples retreats, couples fellowships, etc. are plentiful. It’s up to each couple to determine what is best for them. Yet too many times, we look for formulas in seeking God’s blessing for us. When we equate doing X + Y = God owes me Z, then we are operating on rules and not on grace.
All Eyes Are on You!
Regardless of your status (single, dating, married), people watch how you treat others. People watch how you treat your spouse. People will talk about the troubled relationships. No one “high-fives” the good relationships. People will see how you handle difficult circumstances as a couple. A Christ-centered relationship will bring glory to God.
SUMMARY
- Seek HOLINESS rather than happiness
- The Biblical guidelines of relating to one another apply, plus the higher calling in the husband & wife relationship (to be discussed at a later lesson).
- Allow the Holy Spirit to grow your boyfriend/girlfriend/spouse
- Marriage is a reflection of the relationship between Christ and the church (the Bride).
- A Christ-centered marriage will serve to glorify God. (Eph. 5:17)
- Practice the Biblical guidelines of relationship
- We cannot strive for HOLINESS apart from Christ (John 15:5)
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