PASSAGE: Date, Mate, Consummate | Lesson 08

PASSAGE: Date, Mate, Consummate | Lesson 08

On Your Own Two Feet: Finding Your Identity in Christ--Not Your Relationships

June 29, 2014 | Darren Lo

Introduction: 

• “You make me whole.” 
• “Without you, I’d be hopelessly lost.”
•  “You define me.” Have you heard these phrases before? 

Have you spoken these to someone? Has someone spoken these to you? Do you believe them? 

These and other phrases represent an underlying issue we face in seeking a dating relationship, are in a dating relationship, or even in a marriage! Rather than identifying ourselves with Jesus Christ, we put all our values, dependence, and even love into the relationship or the person. Today, we’ll seek to resolve this misidentification by looking at 3 important pitfalls that land us into trouble.

1. “Looking for love in all the wrong places.” Those in this pitfall:

• Have many dating relationships in a short amount of time
• Struggle with deep, connect friendships
• Either push away or cling way too close
• Desire the relationship more than anything (or anyone) else

In Genesis 29:16-35 we see an example of this pitfall in Jacob’s wife, Leah. Her children’s names give an indication of her situation and identification that her love resided in her husband only.

The root issue: Our idea of love is incomplete.

• Leah actually has a change of heart (v.35) where she now seeks and praises God through her fourth child, Judah.
• This attitude change is something we in this pitfall must also pursue: our love must come from and be put in God first. (See Lesson 01 of our Passage Series)
• We as humans have been created for a far deeper love than just between humans. And any emotional void in our lives must be filled with God and not in potential ‘mates’.

2. The “feels” – letting our emotions get the best of us. This pitfall looks like:

• Extreme infatuation and/or dire loneliness
• Someone who is lead solely on their emotions
• Tend to think that happiness and fulfillment are only found in relationships

The root issue: We don’t consider what makes God happy.

• Hosea, the prophet, was a great example of practicing this idea. (Hosea 1:2-9, 3:1-5)
• If Hosea ever left his difficult marriage situation based on his emotions, he would have also left God’s message to the Israelites: redemption despite their misplacement of love.
• Today, we live in this pitfall by thinking that relationships are only about our own happiness instead of God’s.
• Furthermore, our dependence on happiness has suffocated our desire for what God has called us to be: holy. (2 Corinthians 5:9, 15)

3. “The struggle is real.”

• This pitfall is about seeking and wanting for a life of comfort and ease.
• Our value for convenience and wholeness clouds the reality of life—especially in relationships
• Often think that having a relationship is the pinnacle of life

The root issue: We only desire comfort, ease, and fulfillment.

• 2 Corinthians 11:23b-28 gives us a list of Paul’s life of deep suffering.
• The Bible often portrays that life itself is about struggles and suffering 
• In fact, we should embrace and accept difficulties in life because God strengthens us through them.
• If we think that a relationship will only fulfill some wish to be comfortable and have an easy life, that’s not something that God has ever promised.
• Be encouraged through 2 Corinthians 4:17, that struggle is only temporary and to seek after an ‘eternal glory that far outweighs them all.’

Conclusion: 1) Look for love in the right place: God alone. 2) Consider God’s feelings over your own desire for happiness. 3) Realize our need to embrace struggles rather than run away from them. Your identity is in the One you love, the One you please, and the One you struggle together with.