2014 Summer Missionary - Ashley Chuck
Hello, fellow Passagers (and Collegians)! Since there was (unfortunately) not enough time this past Sunday for me to finish sharing about my HSMT Arizona experience, the second half is going online here.
On Sunday, I mentioned the kind of work that HSMT goes out to the Navajo reservation to do (VBS, relationship building, service projects) and how I personally felt called to return to Arizona with HSMT as a collegian this year. Yet, despite my own convictions about my presence in Arizona, I soon found myself intensely discouraged. I’ll admit my initial concerns were selfish ones – I was more worried about working on a young team that I was unfamiliar with (being a collegian means I don’t see the high schoolers often) and readjusting to the no showers, one sink, muddy tent, rough Arizona life than I was worried about the actual VBS, our primary purpose in going out there and the most important part of all.
However, after the first few days, all of my personal fears proved to be so small, almost non-factors, that I found myself faced with challenges I hadn’t prepared for because I hadn’t even thought or expected myself to struggle with them. On the Sunday before VBS started, I spotted one of my small group girls from the year before and called out her name. She turned to face me when I greeted her, and though she nodded when I asked if she remembered me, she confessed she no longer remembered my name. After hearing that she had forgotten who I was, and seeing her lack of reaction (our meeting was only the first moment of our general lack of interaction throughout the week), I was crushingly disheartened. Though my intention in coming back to Arizona was to continue to build the relationships I’d started last year, 'What was the point if my girls didn’t remember me, or seem to especially care that I had wanted to come back for them? Did my presence here make any difference?' I wondered if I had overestimated my own importance, in a way – seeing a need that I thought I needed to fill when really, I was simply being self-important.
Fortunately, my first reunion with one of my girls wasn’t indicative of the rest. As the week progressed and I saw more familiar faces, I was glad to see that, despite their noncommittal answers last year, nearly all of them had come back to VBS. Though their reactions were varied, some of the girls were excited to see me. A few sought me out and wanted to talk to me one-on-one, resulting in conversations that I know I wouldn’t have been able to be a part of if they hadn’t already known and trusted me. I was happy to be able to have a few of my girls in my small group again for a second time, and even happier upon following up with the two girls who were saved last year and hearing that their faith was continuing to grow. By the end of the week, I’d expanded my circle and had to make more room in my heart (cheesy, I know) to fit the new girls from this year alongside those from before.
At the end of the week, when asked if I would return next year (a question that is pretty much brought up to every single person at some point during the trip, whether by the kids or fellow HSMTers), I had to answer honestly that I wasn’t sure. After all, I had no idea that I would even be coming back this year, and my prayers are far too small and my hopes far too selfish for me to know for sure where I'll be a year from now. I know now that any plans I have for myself in this world will never be the same as God’s plans because He is not of this world, and ultimately His ways are higher than mine. Was this my last time in Arizona? Does God have a specific role for me there, with the girls? I don’t know. But He does, and I’m confident that with Him, there is only progress.
Thanks for all your support of HSMT 2013-14, and please continue to keep the Navajo in prayer – it’s a hard spiritual battle out on the rez, but it’s one that can and will be won.
- Ashley
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